apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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