When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize