My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I stole a fireplace last night.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize