i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
is wine microwaveable?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
