That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
