Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
