o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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