I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
