Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
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He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
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I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Everyone says I win the strip club
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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