I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
