is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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