the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
