I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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