That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I need to align my fucking chakras
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