There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
