I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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