he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
it hurts more in the daytime
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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