He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
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MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
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Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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