Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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