just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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