you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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