I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
