she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
