Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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