and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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