Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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