you would pick up someone in the library
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize