The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
