i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
