don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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