Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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