His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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