He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
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I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
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I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.