You made me cry and you don't even care
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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