I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
