oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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