Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
