All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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