i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
