go do what you do best...puke behind churches
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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