He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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