Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
