If that was your dad, he is hot
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
