Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
