He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
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The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
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I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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