Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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