A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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