forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
