i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
