Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
