i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
