I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
