yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
