You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
