Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
