i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
